How to relate to children's fears? How to get children to abandon the pretense and openly encourage them to confess if they have those or other systems? A possible way to this - the rituals. Attempts children cope with their fears are diverse. "In the evening before going to sleep I often have terrible nightmares. I thought that someone could get into my bedroom from the outside and kidnap me. However, I managed to find a successful way out: before going to bed, every time I exhibited at the window of her small plastic toy soldiers. In their possession were guns and tanks. I turned the lamp so that light falling on them a bit. Now, going to bed, I imagined how they protect me. This allowed me to sleep calmly. "

Another example: "I was able to sleep only after my father told me a story. Often, the story was that of her ledenela blood in his veins. Most of all I liked the book about the giant Turramulli. After listening to this horrible story, I still have some time lying in bed before quietly to sleep, set off again into the toilet or go to the kitchen to drink a glass of water. " Such rituals before bedtime is well known. This form, with which children themselves are struggling to cope with their fears. They create certain scenarios, the rituals are not subject to change and able to deliver them from fear, staging, for which a neighborhood atmosphere of calm and a tantalizing sense of something frightening.

 Kids invent such rituals without the help of adults or teachers, or konstelliruyut them in the process of communicating with the mother or father. Mother, daily giving her son to kindergarten the apple, thereby participating in the ritual, the purpose of which - do to a child being separated from home less painful. The importance of such rituals for various reasons. First, they integrate children's fears in the real, outside world. Daunting is not expelled from it, and finds its place within a specific scenario.The boy who trusts his defense plastic soldier, on the one hand, continues to experience feelings of fear, but on the other hand, applies the method of mobilization of the mentality to overcome it. The fear remains, but becomes an occasion for the response.

In the second example there is a chance that the father becomes an equal participant in the ritual. Listening to the terrible tales, the child is experiencing feelings of fear, but do not feel lonely. Experience of fear is given a place in their relationship. They are also imbued with the "horrible" stories (whose role with the same success can carry tales). The combination of these components is paradoxically calming effect. Thanks to mutual ritual excludes the appearance of indeterminate or latent fears. Extraordinarily important that the father shares with his baby fears.Telling stories, it makes it possible to identify a fraction of the fear, doing it in order to then overcome it with his son. A child can match themselves with their fears and learn from his father how to again leave them at a safe distance.

Divided by fear - is already half vanquished. If the father will pretend that is not subject to any fears that this will be a hoax. To think that children can be protected against all fears, - means to nourish the illusion unforgivable. Their fears are generated by the dangers they faced as the outside world, and in the depths of his psyche. We should not hide the frightening aspect of the world around us from our children. Instead of carefully hidden from the children's own fears and try to instill a false confidence in the possibility of an absolutely secure from the hazards of existence, we must allow the child to take part in the drama of our confrontation of the eternal force of life. It is useful to acquaint the child with this aspect of reality from an early age, taught him to find ways to overcome their fears. Often, the representation of parents of a child painted in pink hues and sinneth sentimentality.

Rather than perceive fear as a given and try to empathically share it with the child, parents begin to look for its causes: a child can not fall asleep, because he can not recover from the stress associated with the neighbor's cat, which ugorazdilo hit by a car, the daughter refuses to go into school because of fears of harassment and threats from bad boys. At the same time do not realize the immanent nature of the fear of going back to the deep layers of the psyche. Naturally, all these external causes to a certain extent gives rise to fear, but we should not tie them so explicit.In the case of a child's phobia of one striving to calm him down enough, the precedent should be the establishment of common rituals, which promote the ego of the child and help him find the strength to overcome their fears of self.