We have long taught that for the normal development of children need a complete family. Public morality picked up: "A child needs a father." In this case, a much more substantial question "whether the child needs a father?" Was not raised at all. Practice has shown that children of divorced fathers do not engage in, and turned into a vicious alimentschikov. Forbidding divorce, the state attempted to control its citizens, securing them to each other, and to force both parents to at least feed their children. For decades, the country was a question of survival, not only children but also adults. Still in force "orphan" norm: "Fed, shod, clothed - and well!"

The experience of restructuring, accompanied by stormy divorce, has shown that it is important not technical availability of a large number of caregivers, and the active involvement of at least one of them in the lives and futures of children. It is important, not how many and who and how to raise a child! In Russia, divorce 2 times more often than in the U.S., where hundreds of marriages, divorces have 30-40, and than in France (20-40). During the years of perestroika in the 40% increase in the number of couples who do not want to legally marry, and at the same rate was more than those who divorce during the first 5 years. Most divorces are now done before the children of young parents has turned 7 years old. In other words, parents are struggling to cope with the wedding crises of the first, third and fifth years.

Key issues to be solved when parents divorce, and have an impact on children's development:

• With whom will live baby? Who will ever care about it? Feed, drink, learn, put down, love ...

• Who will pay for all this?

• Will the child to communicate with a parent who no longer live with him under one roof? And if so, how often? Can a baby just call him?

• How often the child will see his grandparents on the part of parents, who now lives alone?

Will not continue this list of contentious issues - he details, although more formally described in the "Family Code". It is clear that in presenting a child for preschool, they are not able to do. In the language of children, these questions are formulated differently and are reduced to one: "Well, now my father and mother, grandfather, grandmother no longer love me?" For a child's family, relatives - are sources of love and its destruction means that now such sources will be less. This creates a panic among the young. "He pays no child support!" With their concrete imaginative thinking children still do not understand the value of money. They can not keep the conversation going on "Pope - an irresponsible bastard!" But they clearly respond to the anxiety level and close to the approaching danger.

If you decide to divorce

Before the divorce rate the chances of his family to survive. The above model of the family are simple enough to let you know they found a family. If you refer to a diagnosis of a spouse ("My dear (expensive), but what do you think ...?"), You will be able to agree on ideas about the family unit, which in itself - a huge step for your approach. But most importantly - do not forget to involve the analytical work of the child. My experience shows that children who are teenagers an excellent job. Even preschoolers can help you: just give him a pencil and ask them to draw a family. It is a known test "Drawing Family - a guide to it you can buy in any store. But if you're not an expert, then please just take a look at some details of the picture.

• Who in the family depicted in children's picture?

• Do not forget if "artist" himself?

• Which family members closer to the child, the author of the picture? (Physical proximity points to the psychological, emotional)

• What size figure? (More character takes place on the sheet, the more space it occupies in the mind of the child)

• What colors painted family members?

• How much detail shown? (More than, the more the child likes to portray people)

• Readily whether the child draws? Do not switch it on the image of a car, a dog or a fire in the next yard?

• How important is (painful or, conversely, is interesting) theme of the family?

"Drawing of the Family" - an occasion to talk with kids about how he sees and feels what is happening in the family. Ask him why he painted all the way and not otherwise? I am sure you will learn many new things. Comparing their observations and discussions with her husband and child, you will get a more complete picture of what you are currently going on. Differences - that is no reason for conflict, it is an occasion for an active approach. But if a child has "forgotten" to draw one, and sometimes both parents, so he feels no connection with you. For him, Mom and Dad are not the people to whom he would ask a question, concern or request.

Before the divorce , use an additional resource family. Perhaps the child just does not understand what is happening in the family, so it has the most fantastic view of their parents. If your spouse is forced to stay at work for the family, you need to explain to the kid, what he does (puts out fires, "" treats children "," carry the goods "). Do not forget that the formula "Dad earns money" incomprehensible baby. It can grow with the sense that adults are forced to do something uninteresting, monotonous, he lives with his unhappy parents who are helpless in the circumstances.