Often the implementation of a new life or new life strategies, new skills and behaviors bumps into an obstacle, which is called a "habit". For example, you decide to do every single day in sports. But you get up early in the morning and say to yourself: "Not today ... the weather today is not what I lay down late yesterday," and so on. And so it goes, day after day. Another such a habit is usually a feature of harakteraili several such features. For example, you have an idea of what you, the man who works hard. And suddenly, it turns out that because of its excellence in the work to fulfill missed his personal-ing life, as time goes on. Then you start to be torn between her character trait ego - a workaholic and need to do themselves. Every time you even plan to go to a club or a visit, suddenly discover that you have some urgent business. And these things do not end there. Then you say: "My main obstacle - I have no time for personal life." Although in fact an obstacle in the other - you're still too appreciate his line "I - a workaholic."

We can not get something, not losing, not making the investment. I do not like this law of nature, but it is. It may be that a more varied life you have to sacrifice the peace, or with certain people because of the relationships that you "brake". The biggest "brakes" are our perceptions of themselves as "a man who ..." has these or those traits. Flexibility - it is primarily the ability to refuse is not working for you character traits and life strategies, beliefs and ways. Above, the example of client with uncontrolled aggression, her husband, she had to abandon otidei that need to be strong and fight to the death, and that the recognition of their fear is weakness.

Usually people can not part with some of his habits, roles, limits, in so far in since it carries with it some very important function, the so-called secondary gain. For example, some people may not feel happy and satisfied in life, in so much as they always nahodyathot anything in my life because of what it takes to get upset. For some of these secondary benefits is the sympathy they receive in connection with its non-schastnostyu: if they will not have problems, they do not get much sympathy. Want of sympathy is not a bad requirement, in one way or another we all need sympathy, especially at this difficult moment. And the word "sympathy" does not mean "suffering", his eyebrows "house" and lowered corners of the lips. Empathy - the ability to share with others his experience, whatever it was - the joy, anger or pain. This helps us to finish our experiences to move to new, digest them. However, the matter how we ask for sympathy.

Many people believe that the person understands the need not to ask for support and sympathy - and so he sees everything and understands guess our needs and desires. However, as I said above, we do not have built-in brain mielofonov, and other people can not guess as to what we need, especially if we build from a strong and stand to the death. Therefore, the support and sympathy on request. For example: "Take with respect to what I want to tell you," or "important for me to tell you something, and I want you to be listened to and responded to their feelings, what they do you have." And if we do not, although in need of support or sympathy from the fact that waiting for that other figure out or support the image of a strong man, then we begin to do so indirectly - searching for reasons for sympathy. Then it becomes profitable to be unhappy. Output is to start doing just that usually we do awry.

If you are able to refuse because he has ceased to be nutritious for you, you can opt for a new one. Do not be afraid of change! " Otherwise you find yourself in a situation that you can often see if you have been in the apartments of elderly women who survived the war. There are all filled up with empty cans, caps, ropes, bags (erase a thousand times), and other things that "will certainly come in handy someday." This stuff so much, that in such an apartment can only move on the fairway. And this is not the only inconvenience. In the apartment can not buy something new - its just nowhere to put, because my grandmother does not want to abandon their expensive stuff. The same is happening to our psyche: if we do not abandon the old one, we can not begin to do something new, this is simply no room.

Habits

Constant change around the world in which man lives, caused by his own nature, and the fact that it makes the person requires flexibility and variability of forms and ways of interacting with the world. Continuous changes in behavior are absolutely necessary for survival, and implementation needs. Problems arise, co-Then you find yourself unable to change their mode of action and relationships with others. If you are tied to an outdated mode of action, you lose the ability to meet their needs, including social and psychological. And then it is buried "stumbling block".

Habits - is entrenched, well-established acts, trained many years, and any need to modify their demands that they again become a subject of study. The very thought of their change suggests the possibility of other ways of thinking and acting. Then you can choose: to do so or not. In addition, habitual ways of acting do not change quickly. How old are you now? That so many years have you trained to live the way you live now. Of course, that in order to change them, "rastrenirovatsya back, needs patience, consistency and time. And if you lets this process take its course - and then train you to the same time, how much has been spent so far.

There are three ways to change.

1.Osoznanno study their habits and find out what their purpose and benefit, as I have described above.

2.Zhdat when habits have changed themselves under the influence of blows to the head wrenches. A very effective! I know one girl, whose life is changing every time she gets in a car accident. But it seems that this is a destructive way to change lives. You can conduct a study of how has your life changed after these blows, and I suggest you exercise to do this, you will read below.

3.Priznat you really advantageous and convenient to live the way you live now. And do not try to be a hedgehog. Agree with the choices you made unconsciously: it has a lot of uncertainty in benefits.

Be poizobretatelnee to find favor, importance, benefits and the acquisition is to not be sure. And when you find it - think: with all this you have to give up if you want to be sure. Sometimes we think that to be sure - is to be a person who has many negative features. That unwillingness to be like the people who annoy you, often stops to change and become confident. The following exercise will help you cope with this obstacle. . Write down all the traits that you dislike in other people. If they get 5 - so for this exercise you will take 5 days. If 10 - means 10 days. With every feature you will work one day. Life - a tumultuous rapids river littered with boulders. Man - this is a rower on a kayak. For the inexperienced athlete each boulder - a hurdle that could sink it. And for experienced, equipped and trained kayaker every stone - is the fulcrum on which he pushes the oar to keep the boat flatter. Flexibility allows you to use obstacles as a fulcrum.