Learn to listen to the man

Say we do not particularly like, but once you start, you better listen to us, as it should. This requirement may seem too uppity. Maybe so. But what can I do if things are this way? You, too, wish to have you listened to ... And when you consider that you say more and more, we have much more complicated. As in the joke:

A man goes to the doctor and complains:

-Doctor, I have a problem with your hearing. I do not hear that tells me his wife.

-This is not a problem. This is a gift from God - responsible physician.

So not such audacity - to want to hear us. But listen, too, must be able to. Our idea of listening to is very different from yours. Are you convinced that you listen to, if a person is just sitting side by side and from time to time assents. He can insert their comments in the course of your monologue, might have something to comment on (the main thing that his comments coincide with your point of view), can even talk at the same time with you. The main thing that he did not argue. To move with you in one direction, cursing the fact that you criticize, and praise what you praise. That is agreed.

We are all different. The first thing we do not take out when we are crossing. Even if the monologue in the middle of roast you put in: "I perfectly understand you, my dear, and fully agree with you" - a man feels like he drove at full speed out of the saddle. And if you suddenly start to argue ... Help! This is not selfishness and narcissism, as some might think. Such an intolerant attitude towards intervention in our monologue for several reasons. In any conversation you have feelings and emotions work, we have - the logic. We have consistently promoted the idea. The argument is not brought to its logical conclusion - is the lack of results in the conversation. And for us, as you recall, the result is most important. We are focused on a specific goal. And to her, we prefer to move in a straight line. From one assertion to another, and from him - for the third. Therefore, learn to listen to the man !

Your conversation reminds all that is anything but a straight line. You can start with one theme, then gradually move to another, then the third, back to the second and finish on the front. It's a fun process, do not argue. But we did not know how. The process of speaking to us is not interesting. We are interested to achieve a certain goal in the conversation. This can be done only if we move straight ahead. So when you suddenly start to insert their comments, which often have nothing to do with the topic of conversation, we go astray. And our way to the goal more difficult. Have to go back in my mind back and remember where, why and how we go, and start all over again. Who is the love?

And what you now and then you take away the conversation aside, obviously. Stream of consciousness, apparently. Which you really want to share. This in itself is not bad. But when our monologue, if interference, burst observation, not directly related to what we say we are born of thought in my head like:

• She casually listen to me.

• She does not understand what I tell her.

• It is fun.

• She wants to change the subject.

• She lives in her own world.

• It's just stupid.

We have something we can not look you in the head and see what associations and memories of waking you mention an arithmetic progression. So you can say about anything. On complaints of stupid math teacher in middle school up to the challenge with a programmer at work. Although they talked about rising prices in the country ... And how can we be? But this is only one reason. Even if you say something to the topic, it is still difficult to cool us our "speaking". Because we can not do two things at once, unlike you. We're standing at a low compared to your stage of development.

Accidentally thrown your remark makes us stop and think about what you said, to make any conclusions, and determine how to respond, then respond directly, and then return to our earlier thoughts. There is so much to do! And all this we have to take turns. Suspending our thought process (even something clarifying and agreeing to something), you're confusing us. This causes us irritation. So you'd better be patient and just keep quiet until the man did not finish his thought. The more that men's monologues about four times shorter than the female. To suffer a couple of minutes, and then put everything that has accumulated. And everyone will be happy.

The third reason - our desire to do well. How to educate boys in most families? Did everything right - you're good. Made a mistake - a bad one. This is so absorbed into the bloodstream, so that we assess ourselves for life. If we all got to do with dignity, then we are good. Self-esteem grows. Mistake (or just think that for example) - we're bad. Self-esteem shrinks to the size of the warts. What does this have to do with our dislike of "breaking in"? The most direct.

When we interrupt, we decide what is bad say, once a person the desire to drive a wedge into the conversation. The logic is simple, like a penny: if we say well, you would be sitting, listening open-mouthed, afraid even to breathe. Well, if themselves began to speak, so we set out our thoughts are not well and exciting. Your cue is perceived by us as: "You talk bad, better shut up and listen to me." Spoil the mood instantly. Of fierce resentment, and a monstrous upset we can all shut up. For it is better to say nothing than to say a bad thing. Such is the perverse logic. As you can see, our demand for us to listen without interrupting, due to not love yourself, dear. And the only features of our thinking. But, as we know everyone else from high school, it is inextricably linked with thinking.