One variety of informal, but actually existing family units are non-marital families . In most cases, they are the "second" family officially married a man who supports parallel conjugal relationship with another woman, often having to do with his child or even several children. There are many ways to treat this kind of relationship, but their presence in our society become a reality, and therefore it is very important to know what problems have both legitimate and illegitimate family held hostage polygamous behavior of men.

Perhaps the most difficult problem for the official family is a legitimate fact finding his wife and children out of wedlock family of husband and father. As a rule, children, and often their mother for a long time unaware of the presence of the father of the family of "parallel" relationship with another woman, which also has a child from him. When this news hits the family, its members coming from the emotional shock. Up to this point, each of the ignorant considered himself quite fortunate. And now a complex life situation raises a family on the brink of collapse. And nobody knows what will shape the relationship between native people, especially between a father and his legitimate children, who so believed him and thought only his own, and now suddenly it turned out that he has somewhere there are children whom he had concealed from them . In a situation of experiencing family crisis is very important, how to behave more adults not only in relations with each other, but in a relationship with the child.

Usually, the wife learned of her husband's family out of wedlock, or trying to hide from the children, this "scandal", experiencing all alone, or, conversely, once devoted to the mysteries of the marital relationship of their children, which is trying to "drag" on their side, setting up their against his father. The family established an atmosphere of hostility and hatred. Children, especially if they are old enough to understand what is happening, begin to closely monitor the behavior of parents at home, and even track down the father to see the woman who took him away from them. They begin to look at their parents with new eyes and notice something that had never paid any attention. It turns out that parents have long anywhere together and not go to his guests are not invited anyone. Now the father is increasingly left to sleep on the couch in the living room, where up late watching TV, smokes a lot, but my mom is not doing his comments as before. She herself was enrolled in some courses, returned home late and immediately goes to her bedroom, not trying to discuss with all that worried about it or impressed. In the family of a silence, even though everyone thinks about the same, but does not dare talk about it with others. All the waiting.

In this situation, most children suffer. Initially, they, like her mother, a feeling of hatred to make them simultaneously oppressive father and pity for the mother. But along with this, especially if the child is the only one in the family, there is a desire to get acquainted with his step-brother or sister. I wonder what he or she? To whom is like (a)? Sooner or later it happens, but everything is done in secret from the mother for fear of offending her with her day. The child is in a quandary: on the one hand, he often manages to not only meet, but also make friends with his brother or sister, on the other hand, knowing how to suffer from the mother, can not reveal her secret of his extramarital relationship with his family of his father.

Here's how this relates girl of eighteen who accidentally finds out about the extramarital affair five daughters of his father. The father asked her to help him purchase the necessary medication and to visit a sick child in hospital, the daughter of his former co-worker because he has forgotten how to communicate with young children. Daughter, knowing that his father somewhere there is illegitimate family, asked bluntly, what to do with this child has it. And I heard from him what she was told by strangers. All turned out to be a bitter truth. Nevertheless, she crossed through the offense for himself and his mother agreed to help his father.

I was visiting Masha every day, read her books, coaxed to drink tablets. The girl was neizbalovannaya, nekapriznaya. And really miss my mom, and she could come only on weekends. I quickly became attached to his sister. Yes, and she met me now happy and asked: "Will you come tomorrow?" ... Within a month Maria recovered, and they left. And I felt it is not enough: you want to go visit my sister, but I fear that my mother would not like it. Talk to her lack spirit: what if she finds me a traitor? It is unlikely that she will be pleased to learn about getting acquainted with the former mistress of his father. So I live with my secret and I do not know what to do ...

The question arises: how to be parents and children in this difficult life situation? Unequivocal answer to him, as the recipe for family happiness, here and there can not be. Perhaps the most correct would be if his wife will be able to rise above personal grudges and jealousy of her husband and ask a direct question about his plans in life: if he was going to leave his current family for the new, which increases his or her child? Uncertainty depresses more than the truth, however painful it may be. Must openly discuss opened family secrets: parents should not fear that their children will not understand or will understand correctly. Family on a family and that any problems were solved together. Perhaps a frank conversation will help defuse the cold atmosphere of alienation, which originated in the family, and brought together all over again.

Adults should not be banned meetings half-brothers and sisters. They must decide for themselves whether to maintain their relationship or not. In turn, children should not be withheld from their mother's meeting with the illegitimate father of a family. Nothing wrong with that. Native parents they will not love less, and it may happen that more privyazhutsya to them for such noble conduct in difficult life situations: the mother is not seeking revenge on her rival, and his father as a decent man helps his illegitimate child. It is likely that mothers will not be very pleasant this behavior of his child, but over time it will be able to understand and forgive. Worse would be if these meetings will be from her hiding. Sooner or later, she still knows about it, and then indeed own son or daughter will look in her eyes as "traitors and accomplices" of the former mistress of his father. In addition, if a child in the future intends to communicate with his half-brother or sister to do it in secret will be very difficult: the reticence only complicate the relationship between the children themselves, and between adults.

Of course, we are far from as normal a situation in which the number of non-marital families are not only not declining, but has a tendency to a marked increase. And yet, if such a phenomenon occurs in life, wrongly assume that members of these families and especially women are deeply unhappy people, and their children - were doomed to eternal "spiritual need". However, there is an important "but": there is an important thing as responsibility in motherhood. The problem of responsibility to a child and faces a mother, whether married or not. It all depends on how the adults behave in a situation, if a child has a father who comes. Difficulties in raising can be minimized, and a kid who grew up in an extramarital affair family, nothing will give a child, whose childhood was spent in family well-being in the presence of co-living parents.