You go to her husband in the garage and start to explain to him that it should be there, and it - over there. And this - "You just do not understand, darling!" - Also known to be different. Do you think that will tell your man? Even the terrible guess. But somehow we feel quite normal to communicate with children in this way.

Whose cones are in the woods?

In your room, my good, must be order and things should be based on their places - that's right. Because I know how it should be that as it should be called, as arranged. Because my rich life experience I am better than you know how you live and how to deal with your belongings, desires, words. Of course, I exaggerate, but the essence of relationships transferred accurately. We live with their children, as if allowing them to live in our territory. Apartment us whose? That's right, we, the parent. Things we whose? Whose money bought? That's right, at our, hard earned. Children whose room? Our once in our apartment and we furnished.

And now to answer the question: What in your home belongs to the children?

As long as you think, I will turn your attention now to that.

- How do you react when a child breaks his toy? When he parses his car, presented to him for his birthday?

- How do you react when a child goes wrong, how are you?

- How do you react if his conduct does not meet your expectations?

I am a long time to get used to that Romka not my property. That he was not a continuation of me, as an individual. That he - the other ... I chided him for his poor grades, was blamed for the fact that he does not like me, a diligent, accurate excellent pupil. Once I asked him in their hearts: "And that you command to tell people when they ask how my son finished a quarter? What can I say? That the three? "And he says in surprise:" Yes, I speak. And why not? "

The first time I saw that he did not like me, and ceased to tell him what to do. He is now a high school student. I do not go with him on the exams, do not check to see how he learns. If he wants, he will tell me. I just learned to trust him, believe he will do so as needed. You want your child has their own experience and opinions? That he has learned to take responsibility for their things and actions? So you finally learned to trust him? Then do not encroach on the territory of your child .

Total - means no one's

Surely each of us familiar with the reluctance of the child to help around the house. I said: you have to remove in my room! Probably, a pigsty is cleaner, but he does not keep an eye or eliminates slack, as if he is not needed at all ... Maybe he did not really need it? Why he did not interfere with dirt, litter, why did not he responds to your cries? The reasons can be many, and here is one of them: it's not his apartment and his room. Why did he have to clean someone else's territory? Of course, it can help my mother to clean her apartment, but responsible for the order it is unlikely to be: there is no motivation.

Try using the advice of a psychologist and educator Nicholas Kurdyumov. In his house, each family member has his own territory, because the total - means draw. Its own territory - the one for which you are responsible, and it is not only room, this includes household chores, lessons, things, deeds. You can give your child advice, recommendations, if standing on its territory, and justify why it needs them, not you. Then your words can be heard. Finally, we give an example of how this problem can be solved in my family. Firstly, in our house there is a territory of children, their room, and there is my territory. When their actions violate the borders of my territory, I point them to it. If children in a mess, I tell them that there'll come to their room to read a book at night (and this is one of the most beloved ritual in our family), until they will clear up the scattered toys. Not clicking on a banal reason - I can not enter. If toys, books, notebooks, pencils, roamed from their territory on my own, I (sometimes quite severely) explains that this is my territory, and any attribute things back into their territory, or take a trash bag and declare: Guys, what that lies in my territory and I do not need a litter. A trash can I throw it away.

Maybe, this position may seem harsh, but the same rules work, and to me, my things. In his room the children are the absolute masters, and my desire to work there only if I have enough of them are well substantiated. And vice versa: if my kids really need to have their stuff lying on my territory, they are exactly the same way can justify their needs, and I hear them. I do not claim to ultimate truth, but really want to get my - and your - children have grown up a free person with a high level of responsibility. To make this happen, starting now stands precisely with such simple and straightforward things like their own things and own bathroom.