Each person has his own personal territory. At the physical level, this area represents your body and personal space living - room, bed, as a minimum. As well as personal belongings, papers, correspondence, telephone conversations and the contents of your phone and computer, clothing, personal hygiene items, jewelry, perfumes, money, and so on. On the psychological level of personal territory - it's your feelings, values, your time, your decisions and actions in connection with them, your speech, your vision and ideas, thoughts and desires. Often due to lack of a sense of ownership of all the personal things people can violate personal boundaries , and because of this suffering. I'm sure many parents are familiar phrase: "Your in the house only cowards" or even worse: "Your in the house only dirt under the fingernails." If your life was so, or nearly so - you will certainly be difficulties in order to usurp his personal "property" and feel the power.

Describe the ideal for you to picture how it should be arranged your personal space, considering all those things and events of personal territory that I listed above: write the code as you need to contact loved ones in that they are entitled, and on what - no. Eg. "In my room, you can sign, just knocking and asking permission. Mom has no right to tell me what I wear. Pope should not come into my room at night when my wife and I have sex, and check to see if I have climbed the temperature. My boss has no right to ask me to stay until 5 am at work, because it is not stipulated in the employment contract. I do not like when my sister was trying on my jeans. "

What more will your list (embrace all-all-all that you do not like), the clearer it will be delineated the boundaries of your personal area. Once you compile a story, try to imagine that this story is not yours, but, say, your mom or friend. What do you feel towards this man who just so delineates his territory, and so says about himself? You experience irritation or respect him? Or maybe some other feelings? Write down all the feelings you have for the hero of this story. And think: this is how you feel about yourself. How do you do? Request to respect its borders begins with self-respect for yourself and your boundaries and needs. When a person is on the brink of survival, he does unspeakable things: the three-meter jumping over fences, heal wounds like a dog and so on. Because it is - a threat to life. Treat violations of its borders as a violation of her life - and you will find previously unknown resources.

Permit a breach of their personal boundaries can usually people are very resilient to violence: those who can tolerate for very long. Reduce your endurance to mental, physical, sexual or economic violence. The following exercise will allow you to better realize your personal needs to maintain its own borders. Answer the questions (the answer should be written in the form of wording: "For me it is important that ..."). Is it important for you, that representatives of other than your own, nationalities respond to you as "her"? Is it important that men treat you as an equal (if you're female) and did not expect that you have "long hair - it all wrong?

It is important whether you have the time and place to be alone with him? It is important if you do not have to be like everyone else? Is it important to you to decide whether to refer you to professionals for advice, information and assistance or not, and whom to contact? Is it important to you to judge how you're smart, meaningful, interesting, beautiful, and does not depend on whether your vote will approve the others? Is it important to you to be yourself and not what you want to see around? Is it important for you to have the right to be forgiven, if you hurt someone? By answering these questions, articulate responses without the negative particle "no." Answer honestly, as you really think. Read the writing, and listen to yourself: nravyatsyali you your language? Whether they respond really and deeply to your needs? If there is something you do not like it, change it.

Take time to think and write responses that will cause you a sense of pleasure, joy and self-esteem. For example: "I have the right attitude towards ourselves as an equal, regardless of what I have nationality, gender or age, what size of my body, which form my butt and how I walk." In response to refrain from protesting music ("I am owed nothing to anybody !!!»), generalizations (" No one can point me !!!») and categorical ("I have no boundaries !!!»). It is important to remember that others have the same rights as you. This answer, told in a rush iste Rica, respect does not cause. Although initially fit any state, any your emotion and every occasion in order to get used to the fact that you have all that right. Do not blame yourself if you were of such a phrase without a posture of James Bond and the sight of a lion. When we start to walk or eat with a spoon as a child - it does not look confident. Allow yourself to be first-graders and shaped as letters to write his life puffing Kriven'ko and tongue hanging out.

After writing all the answers, try to remember them and use every time someone tries to blame you, humiliate, to demand that you improperly done. The more you answer, pronounce these phrases, the faster they will become natural for you and will be perceived by others with respect. I repeat that, claiming the boundaries of its territory, it is important to understand that others also have their own territory and it is just as worthy of respect as yours. There is a very difficult thing to assert their own borders. This is a difficult thing - honesty. The sincerity of their feelings and values in their opinions and statements. Sincerity - this is the biggest force in the world. However, at first glance, it seems helpless ... before strict views of parents.

Often people are not sincere (and miss because of this, a lot of chances and opportunities!) Because they fear condemnation, criticism, ridicule, devaluation of their sincere expressions. It really affects your openness and confidence, if you ... a little kid. If you frequently encounter a situation where you are afraid to be humiliated because of the fact that you say something really, at this very moment, try to feel: how many years do you feel at this moment? And how old are you really? How has the right to respond to people in such a situation, which is as old as you? Remember this every time you're afraid of condemnation. Look around: are there people around you who are so co-fect and the divine, so you better know how you should behave and what is beautiful and worthy of respect, and what-not? If you say yes, such people are divine, "then I ask you: Who ETILYUDI?! WHY I DO NOT KNOW! " NOW ME THEM KNOW! And then suddenly I miss the past and even the deities themselves take off is not known.

If you are sincere, it is not dangerous. For it is not beaten over the head with a stick. Thus, the sincerity - it is a huge strength. First, it contains the TRUTH. Not an absolute truth (and it actually does not happen), and your sermyazhnaya truth about you is important for you in the first place. Secondly, the sincerity disarms. Thirdly, honesty allows people to recognize each other as true, as they are, because it halts the second - to trust. Would you like to trust you in all that tanned: misrepresented, as a reprimand; in your plans and decisions, and in your values and opinions? Opening, the person becomes visible to other elastic. Itogda everyone looking at what he sees, makes a decision: will suit him or not. Sincerity means open borders for those you want to open them. And this man may actually be one, if you believe that you do not have what could be condemned. To do this you need only one condition: stop blaming ourselves in the imperfections. We are all imperfect. Perfect people do not and why - perfect in their own identity and otherness.