Punishing a child?
Talking about discipline inevitably leads to the question of penalties. What if, despite all the tricks, the child does not obey? Usually a lot of controversy is the question of physical punishment. Personally, I'm definitely against them. They insulted and embitters, intimidate and humiliate children. Positive result from them is less than the negative. The only option of physical restraint, which is not in doubt - is to curb raging child.
Natural consequence of disobedience - a type of punishment that comes from life itself, and the more valuable that the blame in such cases, the child no one but himself. Baby, the cat scratched, or a student who has received a bad mark for the unlearned lesson, perhaps, for the first time feel the sense and the vital necessity of parental demands. One such experience is worth a dozen verbal instructions. In addition, we would never be able to "lay straw" is everywhere, where our child can "fall."
But then when it fails, however, can be very helpful to him. Active listening is indispensable. Let me remind you that it helps the child make their own conclusions from what happened. Although sometimes a parent and you want to say: "I warned you ..." "Do not Listen - blame yourself." It should not do. First, the child remembers about your warning, and secondly, he's upset and deaf to any reasonable comments, in third, had difficulty acknowledging their mistake, and he's ready to challenge your right.
The second type of punishment - the more familiar, it comes from a parent. It all begins with a warning: "If you do not ... then ..." and ends with the implementation of the promise. For example: "If you do not stop being rude, I will put you into a corner," "If you do not get a room, do not go for a walk." Such sentences are called conditional sledstviyamineposlushaniya because they do not follow naturally from the actions of the child and the parents shall be appointed at their discretion.
How to treat them? I think they still are not avoided. However, applying such sentence, well stick to one very important rule. Punishing a child? " To punish the child better, depriving him of the good than making it worse. In other words, it is better to punish, moving in the direction of the "plus" to zero than from zero to minus, and a zero means neutral, even tone to your relationship.
What does the "plus"? Here are some examples: in the family custom, that on weekends the father travels with her son on a fishing trip, or mom's favorite pie is baking, or all together go for a walk. You know, of course, that children very much appreciate these family traditions. When a parent gives them special attention and with wonder - it's a real feast for the child. However, if you happen to disobedience or misconduct, the "holiday" on that day or this week canceled.
Is this punishment? Of course, and quite noticeable! And most importantly - does not hurt and not abusive. After all children feel good justice, but it is true that when a parent is not giving them my time, because the upset or angry. And what happens if due to the fact that parents are always "no time", all education is limited to the requirements, comments and "minus" punishment? Typically, in such cases to achieve discipline is much more difficult. But the main thing - it's dangerous to lose contact with the child: for mutual discontent, which is inevitable, will accumulate and divide.
What is the practical conclusion? Perhaps it is already clear: we must have a supply of large and small celebrations. Come up with a few sessions with a child or several family affairs, a tradition that will create a zone of joy. Do some of these classes or regular cases that the child is waiting for them and knew they must come, unless he does something that is very bad. Cancel them, unless there was a fault, really tangible, and you're really upset. However, do not threaten their abolition in detail.
