In each of our lives together has several vital statuses: lover and friend, parent and child, teacher and student, boss and employee, spouse, colleague, classmate, patients, clients, service providers, neighbors, and so on. All of these statuses are called social roles. Each role has its own, distinctive from other functions, duties, rights, scope of responsibility. That is to say, "official instructions". For example, the parent assumes the role of caring for a child's development. Teachers - to provide information in a way that it can be metabolized student, check it and fix the result of assimilation. The role of the spouse - be the main support to the other spouse in all of life's conflicts.

 Role of service providers - to offer what he can do, for a fee, and if the client chooses what suits him, do this as well in the measure of his professionalism. The role of the chief - to lead, think strategically, plan, delegate, make decisions and take responsibility for it all. The role of subordinate - follow the instructions boss. The role of the lover - to enjoy and give pleasure love. Role of a friend - to take, maintain, and share interests and feelings and share.

But often in life people do not understand their role boundaries , and these roles are mixed. For example, a parent trying to be a teacher for their child, the chief - the parent for his subordinates; husband tries to be a child or parent to the other spouse. The client is trying to be the head, the patient - a child. And then happens to a complete mess. Especially when these roles are actually mixed in a professional field: spouses working together, the child learns her mother in the classroom, clinic chief comes as a patient to her as a subordinate, and so on. Then do not understand: who is with someone from a role of talking? When my mother scolds a child for a deuce, she who is: a teacher or a mother? With her need to accept or ask her to support? When couples who work together, come home at night and share working experiences, they continue to work or to share experiences? If a neighbor has a neighbor lover, when she asks him to replace the bulb on the landing, it appeals to a neighbor or agreements for the feelings?

The consequence of such role-playing is a lot of misunderstandings, confusions, conflicts and difficulties. Surely you often encounter situations where you do not know how you deal with one of those people: if I say so, as a friend he would be offended, but if I did not say how they will receive inadequate employee of his office authority that reflect badly on the job ... a dead end! To get out of such impasses, it is helpful to learn not to confuse social roles and role relationships.

I suggest you see the relatives, whatever they were close, are primarily adults, who themselves, without you, it is quite capable of solving their problems. Besides, if you take to solve their problems to the detriment of yourself, you are helping them build highly nonadaptive view of the world, that is, one which not only helps them to live effective and satisfying for themselves, but also prevents it. The man, who because of his laziness holds a solution to their problems on others, becomes addicted and non-self. This creates the risk that in a difficult moment, when suddenly someone from the usual helpers will not close, it will fail.

Remember that every time you take over the affairs of other people who are quite capable of making themselves (though not as good as you - nothing will learn), you will bring them closer to a possible catastrophe of their own inadequacy. This reinforces the idea of good and gives confidence when you need to say sacramental words "yes" or "no." Everyone - this is a sovereign state with its own special rules and laws. The clearer the boundaries and laws, the easier it is to other "States" to build a political relationship with you, and you - to them, because the function boundaries - the protection from dangers, but if you're safe, you can take care of the development of relations.