The first step that you need to do on the way to happiness - say goodbye to misery . As long as you sincerely do not say goodbye to him, all your attempts to bring happiness to themselves fail. After all, you have to work on two fronts, as long as life will not break you, as Tuzik warmer. Paradoxically, part of disaster is often difficult, because in adversity lies a lot of bonuses.

After:

-Yet I am a poor and miserable, need to worry about me;

-Yet I am a poor and miserable, I can abdicate responsibility and give others the opportunity to settle my difficulties;

-Yet I am a poor and miserable, with me must be gentle and delicate, not to raise his voice even when I deserve it, and all forgive;

-Poor and miserable supposed piece of the pie bigger, to comfort;

-Poor and wretched do not want anything to do - and it is so bad. Let him do the one who is strong and happy - they all can, and do not lose anything from them, etc.;

That is why these home tyrants sometimes become the most "weak" and the most miserable. We think that you can think of other bonuses. To be unhappy - a great way for life to be small in the adult world. What is the charm of babyhood? The fact that all of your needs meet others, and you do not attach to it the slightest effort. Because - you can not, and your weakness, there is clear evidence that you can buy or invent. A small child self-centered because of its limited capabilities. And the older he gets, the more he acquires new skills and thus become happy. But he develops these skills only if he does not interfere. So, not having mastered the skills, the man becomes miserable and moody.

Moody - since we are still convinced that his needs should be met by others, as unfortunate as far as his needs are not met. And the older the person, the more difficult it becomes to his needs, and therefore more and more miserable and moody. His unhappiness is stronger than he is mature. If a mother can give the baby the most simple things - food, cleanliness and toys, the adult is much more complicated: it needs to meet social needs, intellectual, sexual, spiritual, and this fact is that mom can not give. Not only because my mother do not have sex (some out of this predicament, breaking all sorts of taboos), but also because those needs arising from individual and personal uniqueness, a person can only satisfy myself, no help it can not .

Vicious circle

Miserable lives in a vicious circle of his unhappiness. The more miserable he feels, the more miserable is because of his unhappiness as would entitle him to continue not to acquire the skills and needs. This man will never grow up. If you've seen just such non-private people - you know, this will increase children. We make a small digression into history. Recall that in antiquity, in a pagan society, respect and esteem enjoyed a healthy, able-bodied people. From an early age, each member of the community necessarily accustomed to any cause. And if people could find things to do, I could not learn a trade or unwilling to work, that is to benefit family or tribe, he drove. Very serious question was the utility man to others.

Even the sick and old people have found an occupation that does not sit at home on his neck. In some Slavic tribes was made of old and sick to take away into the woods to be devoured by wild beasts, in Sparta, for example, unhealthy children were thrown into the sea. The Warriors have become disabled, have sought rather to perish in battle than to return home and become a boarder. We can now say that the times were cruel. However, in those days was a very serious matter of survival. Mortality was high, and who lived to forty years, one is lucky. Because of the sick and unfit to work could be lost the whole tribe. Therefore, the "accident" did not recognize. Wretchedness considered unfit for human life.

In all pagan beliefs have always attended the motive of the murder of God in human beings: it is torn and Adonis, and the dead Osiris, Dionysus and the victim, etc. The image of the slain and resurrected god said that the death should be the resurrection in the afterlife. But never was the glory of the pain and suffering. Since the times of Christianity, more precisely, from our point of view, since some of the distorted interpretation of Christianity, the misery they looked the other way. Improve living conditions, allowing calm to survive the people who would previously not have survived, gave birth to a new picture: ill - means you have privileges.

Surely you know of examples of people who are proud of vital calving and say, beating his chest: "Oh, how I suffered!" Well, actually, how can one not be proud if the literary and cinematic genre theme sacrifice and suffering is the central and Honor? We will open another little secret. The fact is that many of us are getting used to the suffering due to the fact that only suffering, they come alive. If a child you had to hide the pain, hurt and sadness deep inside, wear a mask with the name "I have everything in order," you used to be a fake, can not live in full force. After all, as we have said, to live - is to feel and not feel - it means not to live. And now to be alive and begin to feel you need to get in touch with the fact that hidden away - the pain, resentment, sadness. Maybe you have a child petted only when you are sick. All this makes for sticking to the victim's conduct.

Want to emphasize that pain, sorrow or resentment - not the same thing to be unhappy. As we wrote in this and other books of the series, the negative feelings are also part of a happy life, denying them, we make ourselves dead and miserable. However, the happy man can do and feel deeply, and move on to other feelings, and poor support the smoldering fire of his suffering, not allowing himself to switch to something else. However, you are now adults. And in order to receive love and attention, you do not need to pretend the poor and miserable. You just need to understand that to receive love and attention - your need, and you can satisfy it themselves, paying attention and showing love, and provide an opportunity to other people you love and care of you.

Be aware of where your energy is directed. If you notice, what do you think about how you're unhappy, that everything is bad, interrupt these thoughts in any way. Recall that in a healthy body, no feeling or a state can not last for long, otherwise it will destroy him. Therefore, the body after vigorous crying can easily enjoy, even if the dead loved one, after rampant resentment - to give gifts. If you cultivate a state of bitterness and resentment, are looking more and more new ideas that feed them - then you probably do get a benefit from this, that it covers all possible happiness.