Smile
Your eyes fill with tears, if you are rude to a saleswoman, or colleague has made a sharp remark? Then, of course, come to mind are full of dignity and wit answers - but it just then. In addition, some resentment remains. Stop! You will no longer blush and shade when you try to insult him. You will learn how to tame the cads! And we you can help!
"Where Presov, old mare!" - Is the voice of my little stunned. At my side was moving person of a particularly large: apparently I ugorazdilo pass dangerously close to her pies, which she sold. Over the next few seconds, I learned about myself a lot, both in terms of appearance (koshelka old mare curve), and in terms of my mental data (idiot), and a lot more new. Naturally, the curious crowd gathered in the blink of an eye - it became interesting to look at "embarrassing the mare." In my head is almost ripe decent answer, but his eyes were once themselves suddenly filled with tears, and I issued a weak-kneed sob. Had to quickly run away while I'm not disgraced themselves even more ...
This incident made me wonder how you can rebuff his offenders in situations like this. Do I need to join with Hammami a squabble at the risk of fall to their extremely low level? And finally, I also wondered about who these louts, where they come from and what motivates them?
Rudeness as it is
Today in nature there is no human species as "an ordinary ham." And in the old days, incidentally, was. In Tsarist Russia the people of peasant origin, servants, serfs, slaves, and just called Hammami. Subsequently, the emphasis has shifted somewhat, and the rudeness has come to mean something, which means that to this day, that is, rudeness, arrogance, bad manners. Rudeness is often confused with the faux pas, though, in my opinion, quite unfairly. Although both are often hurt, but the faux pas, the phenomenon is likely - an unconscious, involuntary, while rudeness - is quite another to make a conscious desire to hurt a particular person, unpleasant. And it is our task to learn how to turn the situation so that this negative energy is avoided us as a party.
How to distinguish a provocateur from the tyrant
There are several subspecies of ordinary boors - ham-tyrant, Ham-provocateur, ham neurotic. Hama provocateurs - people, embittered by domestic problems and failures, their lives were going against their script, and requires the virulence function. It does not matter whether you have given at least some cause for rudeness or not - the provocateur rude to you in anyway, even without any reason. The exact cause is, but to you it has absolutely no relation - is a desire quarreling, no matter with whom and still something about the desire to suppress the moral interlocutor and thereby enhance their self-esteem.
In contrast to the instigators, the ever cranky, Ham-tyrant failure to call improperly. Typically, these are people who are over a certain position, status, occupying more or less responsible position. This superiors constantly screaming at his subordinates, it is civil servants, which just does not get through. These are people with power. Power, which they ruined. The power that these people are ready to show everyone. Rudeness of this type - it is an attempt to prove their superiority over, the imaginary value.
Finally, ham-neurotic. This so-called forced louts. Is light a large number of neural diseases that are caused by violation of hormonal or nervous stress. Usually, people exposed to diseases such emotionally unstable, irritable. They can Naham you just because you are not caught in time by him under the arm. Very often, they worry about his "unwitting" rudeness, but to cope with bouts of aggression, they simply can not.
To carry water offended
Insult - a great opportunity for Ham and arm to hurt people. Hesitate, take a back seat to the manipulator - means to show their vulnerability and to allow him to be rude to you and more. Therefore, the resistance to give not only possible but necessary. However, you should do depends on the situation and the behavior of a particular cad. For example, contact Hamami provocateurs in the war of words - is simply down to the usual scandal and give boor opportunity to splash out their negative energy. If you respond to rudeness, it means that your abuser has achieved this goal. Best rebuff in this case is complete indifference, in this case, a boor to you quickly lose interest and switch to a less balanced offering.
If you are unlucky to face the petty tyrant, the way of protection will be somewhat more complicated. The main thing here - do not get confused, and behave in such a way that the tyrant knew that uppity behavior you do not break, and grovel before anyone else you do not intend to.
You can save just ignore its power pretensions and confidence in their own words and actions. If you are not lucky to serve under the authority of this type and the change in leadership is not threatened in the near future, the best way to keep his nerve and composure - just change jobs. Achieve from this type of improvement and some benefits may only flatterers who know how to properly handle the megalomania of these people.
Finally, ham neurotic himself, as a rule, suffers from its aggression, irritability, far more than those who surround him. And to treat this type of boors should, respectively, as a patient and confused man. If you reply to his rudeness care and gentleness, it quickly cools down and apologize.
Manage yourself!
Like nothing complicated here. But the problem is that often the most crucial moment, you simply e able to cope with their hurt, their emotions, to give a fitting rebuff to the abuser. In psychology, has long been allocated to individual sectors, conflict management, which is examining ways out of sticky situations of this kind.
One of the most effective ways to control their own emotions - a way to six breaths and breaths that will help you neutralize the desire to respond to the rudeness of aggression. You rude. Simply make a short pause, during which the count myself breath and that will help you come to the quiescent state and to keep their emotions under control. Such a method will help you choose the best way to respond to rudeness - a rational response to squirt, laugh it off, leave, shame, or perehamit insolent, he answered it the same way.
The last option in terms of psychology, the least effective because it just encourages aggression, letting it develop, and boor opportunity to respond to you in the future.
An interesting fact is that often we ourselves boors by their conduct provoke attacks on our way. If you are constantly under attack of this kind, it is worth considering if you are not too arrogantly behave, or can, too demonstrative? Or maybe you just always ready to respond to the aggression of aggression - louts always feel such a state, and always ready to take advantage of this opportunity. Or maybe just the opposite, too helpless and harmless you look.
Just try to change your mindset, your attitude towards yourself, life, hammam. Rude to a balanced and strong personalities can afford only a very stupid people, it is extremely unpredictable reactions, which is best to try to avoid.
Blame It on the nose!
Says that the best way to avoid boorish attitude - not to admit it. However, not always easy to understand exactly when you can Naham. After all, to make an aggressive attack on your side of the can and intelligent-looking old woman and a girl with a bouquet of daisies. But in any case, your most powerful weapon smile and calm.
But even if you did not stand and began to cry, do not worry too much about it. In the end, each of us can sometimes stay weak and defenseless. After all, it's not you and your ... nose! It you have such, he can - so we know! ?
If rude in the family
Rudeness in the family - a separate chapter in a book called "reason with bullies." Usual smile here, unfortunately, does not help, family conflicts require a different approach.
Such situations, when we are hurt the most of our close and dear people, wounding particularly painful. Often this behavior is motivated by a desire to throw off the negative emotions, or just an attempt to convey some information. If a conflict situation is the norm in your family will certainly help here, only an expert. However, be aware that any possible re-hama, the main thing - just select the most appropriate tactics. So, a few tips for those struggling with Hammami in your family:
-Be patient, you need it. Calm must always be with you in all situations. Emphasized his polite behavior you not only to disarm his household, but also create a new model of behavior in your family.
- Build the boundaries of the self. It is important to make clear to their households, you do not become too emotional to participate in the conversation. Do not resort to unnecessary explanations, you call it just a stream of new insults.
- Learn how to create barriers and literally - to leave the "battlefield" - flat, room, house. Hama just need a viewer, left alone with him, he simply would have to come to, and after some time has cooled and is ready to be adequate, quiet conversation. If, however, to leave at this moment you just can not, just try to move the conversation to a later time. "Let's try to talk to you a bit later, when you calm down."
- Cultivate a respectful attitude in the household as to itself and to each other. Rudeness kills trust and kindness in relationships - it is important that you understand this. It is not necessary to answer rudeness to rudeness, so you risk turning your scandals in the daily activities.
- Get in-store book on psychology and to explore possible ways to deal with rudeness. After all, forewarned - is forearmed. You can also consult with a psychologist. The main thing is not to sit on the ground and move forward, look for a way out of this situation.
