The complex is a loser

The young man, the son of a prosperous lawyer, falls in the exams in the legal academy. Who is he? Of course, the loser - you might say, and will prove to be wrong, because I do not know what happened next. And then he goes on an appeal to the army, and makes it an officer's career. Who is he now? That's just the same. The whole point is that graduation udachnik - loser depends on what achieves this and the actual person. We parents do our best to lay in our child the maximum that may be needed in his life, and often wrong.

Failure to adopt a child as he or she has formed therein set loser . It was originally set up to what he does not work, he is bad, slut, no one likes. Conversely, the formation of personality in the winner's idea of a "warm and friendly atmosphere" when the child is firmly convinced of parental love, their understanding and compassion. As they grow older, and of course, if your child will understand that the behavior pattern is formed, it can try to change it. I must say that it is not easy. Much easier to slightly "tweak" the role, so that failures are not so often pursued our "loser" that was not so unpleasant to repeatedly take a beating, but to completely change their attitudes can, alas, are few.

So we have to answer for what would later our child, what fate awaits him. Will it be a lucky hunter or a pitiful victim. In anticipation of a child, each of us gives his pledge to be the best, most understanding, most forgiving, most loving parent. We pledge ourselves that will be good parents, not realizing what a huge work on yourself, patience, love and effort requires a high rank. Assault and battery to no good does not - this premise sounds continuously from the lips of teachers, psychologists, parents themselves. Everyone knows that violent child-rearing practices are highly inefficient.

And yet, when a child brings us "to white-hot", we - oh, you automatically! - Give him a slap lower back, and this is in the best case! Of course, hearing the roar of the punished child, we rush to comfort him, calms, tried to explain that he has brought us to this. But, dear parents, no sly Are we ourselves? Are we really so nervous nature, that allow the force action against the weak - we do it! mother! favorite! - child? Let it even exceeded the allowable limits (again, from your point of view!) In their pranks?

Is not it the case that in the upbringing of their children, we will implement those models of education that were laid out in us in our childhood? Perhaps our aggression towards the child was due to the grievances, which we ourselves have experienced in childhood? To get rid of feelings of guilt, which generates our with you, aggressive behavior, we must forgive those who hurts us and hurt us in childhood - a mother, father, sisters, brothers. From the standpoint of an adult, we are perfectly aware that any conflict - a conversation with a deaf-blind when everyone expresses its not always just look at things. So let us recognize the right of everyone to their own opinion and will not condemn anyone for it. Taking our children for what they are trying to understand their difficulties, we are helping that child that lives within each of us. Such a position does and ourselves happier, prosperous and confident in their abilities.

We love our children, we want to see them successful, prosperous, we want our children to reach greater than ourselves. But what we teach our children? Do we teach them to be successful, assertive, persistent in achieving their goals? Often - no. From the earliest days, we shall take care of their children, tried to shield them from the cruelty of the world. We do not give their children to stretch their wings and try his own strength. "Do not go there - you'll fall!", "Do not touch the vase - Damage," "Well, what kind of a slob," "Do you still get nothing!" - The words we say a hundred times a day, and not reflect what we inspire our children to set a loser . Is it not better to say "Be careful not to fall", or "Let's collect the toys - in a room a mess," Unable to build a house out of blocks? Not scary - it will at another time. "

Seemingly small difference, it is still the meaning remains the same, but for a child with his unique ability to perceive any of the words literally, the difference is huge. In the first case, we pre-program the child to fail, predicts his defeat even before the battle, in the second - be warned, please exercise due caution and rely on his own strength. Thus, we ourselves are building a model of the future life of our child, and then only we can only wonder - why is our son or daughter have grown so dependent and helpless.

Trust your child

More confidence! This appeal, I appeal to all parents. Believe me, your child deserves it, that you trusted him. We all recognize that irresponsible man very hard in life, it is difficult to achieve anything, with him heavily at home, and he often has no friends, because who needs a friend, who can not count on in difficult times? Independence and responsibility - qualities that are not given to us from birth, they need to raise the child since the early days.

To a certain age the child becomes is awkward to call the baby. He has excellent command of their native language, knows how close to retell read or heard, can write your own story, perfectly mastered hygiene skills, excellent command of his body, able to enjoy all the cutlery, including knives, can use simple tools. This child has their own point of view and is able to defend it. He is able to assess the opinion of another person, and accept or reject it for themselves. The child can perform some simple instructions parents.

Thus, begins to form a so-called social maturity, ie the ability to exist in society. Home six-, seven-year children become more independent, they are protesting against the total parental control and want to have more rights. Why not go to them in this meet? If you teach your child the basics of safe conduct on the street, let him go to his friend, who lives in the two bus stops away from your home. It will be good for him consolidate skills.

Helpful for children to make simple purchases in the store. If he has already mastered through, let him have a "pocket money". He will have a small amount and to dispose of its own that would serve a lesson for him handling money - so he can understand their value. Spending money developing a child's responsibility, consciousness and self-sufficiency. Avoid asking your child what he spends his pocket money - he is free to dispose of them at its discretion. Try out money on a certain day at a pre-specified period of time - thus, the child learns to manage money, plan your expenses, knowing that to a certain day he would get nothing. Respect your children, do not let yourself unceremonious interference in their lives. Let them have a private space.