The crisis of the first year of marriage - psychological counseling

- All. No more force. Let's divorce.

- How about the children?

- They will understand. ... Probably. Grow up and understand.

Sound familiar? Maybe not on personal experience and the experience of acquaintances, friends, parents .... Unfortunately, yes. We know quite a few couples who recently lucky, yesterday went to the registrar and filed for divorce. What is the reason? All of it is different. But there is a trend. I think you know that every family, starting from the date of its creation, passes certain milestones lapping (we call them so). And they are always (!) Are accompanied by crises. For what would the picture was clearer, I will briefly describe these crises.

1. The crisis of the first year of marriage

2. The crisis of five years of marriage

3. The crisis of eight years of marriage

4. The crisis has fourteen years of marriage

5. Further, the authors argue, someone insists on the crisis of twenty years of marriage, someone said that it already exists

But on one I want to stay in more detail. This is a crisis of the first year of life together. Many couples find it most difficult. Because spouses are still young, more ambitious. They are not very well know each other and are therefore more difficult to find a compromise. And most of all divorces occur at this time. Them, divorce, actually could have been avoided. Without consequences, no offense, but remained the same happy and in love (if you get married for love). Someone once said: love is not what you can enjoy every day. Love is like a job. It should be performed carefully and cautiously, to support, nourish, nurse. And only then, will probably enjoy it. Couples who have reached the first crisis faced by the fact that love has gone. In psychology, believes that marriages are made not for love but to love. It lasts for a maximum of three years. If more - it's pathology. And when the seven covers of the first serious crisis due to the fact that people take off rose-colored glasses and see .... that their partner is not what they imagined.

How is it not cool, even if you've met or have lived together before marriage 10 years, you're exactly "buying a pig in a poke." People change, life changes. You can never say: "I know this person 100%." You yourself do not know, the more her husband. And when love is gone, people are starting to realize that this man has its drawbacks, and those that can not be condone. And start to panic. How can live with this now? Have I made a mistake? That's not what I expected! And this is a normal reaction. The complexity arises in the fact that people think it's a dead end. What's next life would be gray, sad, with a hateful husband. Though they still continue to love each other. I hasten to please those who have already run away with a statement to the registrar. No matter how many times you are not married (married), in a year - and a half, you will once again take a pen and write the same statement. Only the names of others.

The point is not a partner and not you. The point in life. The time has come you will look at each other REALLY. Through the face of diamond you have watched all the previous time. And if you managed to give birth to children, these children will be happy and healthy, because he is born of love. Now, you both must make every effort that would be difficult to pass the first test together. If you do not, destroy the happiness of a minimum of two (myself and spouse), and God forbid your children.

I know perfectly well that it is not easy. When the tears and tantrums but nothing happens. When the partner does not want to compromise. Existing elements, from which, as they say, we will dance. Get to know them better, we can draw conclusions and to fit them into itself.

1. Usually, the first stumbling block is that the woman stays home, is engaged in farming and children. Previously, she, of course, was an activist, she worked three jobs and attended two cup a day. Now, she's sitting tete-a-tete in the four eyes with his beetles, and a hunchbacked husband at work. And when coming home, he falls into a chair and grab the remote - as the most precious thing they have left. In this situation, you should discuss your desires and create their own game. Just playing, you can succeed. Sereznichat you've tried. Thus, a scenario something like this. We will prompt family law in Germany . Conclude a contract on a leaf (a notary could be a girlfriend or a friend), which stipulates 40 days, he - comes home from work, kisses his wife, discuss the household amenities, said her compliments, she - no sawing him for that late again , kisses and hugs him at a meeting, trying to create a warm and cozy. Where possible, the wife must learn what makes her husband's mother in his childhood, and he is very pleased. For example, baked cakes. Immediately run at the plate, and bake. Do not buy and cook yourself. In case of non performance by someone of their duties, fine. Invent something so that her husband would be difficult (but possible), and the family is helpful. Mow the lawn, for example. During these 40 days, keep a diary. After, you can discuss what mistakes were made, what adjustments must be made in its continued existence.

2. A second option might be the opposite situation - his wife is constantly at work achieves its goals, the family is no time. The husband himself to dinner, he watches TV and sees his wife only at the wedding photos. Here you should also make a bargain that she - is obliged once a week to arrange a romantic evening of her husband. Do everything itself. Let it be a fried potatoes, but by candlelight. And he - the moral support it, for what it would be easier to succeed. Someday this will end, it will take the necessary position, and nature will pull her into the family. Discuss the time, how much to wait for her husband a true wife - one, two, five. People need the specific numbers.

Scheme clear? On it, you'll be able to resolve any situation effortlessly. If not, we strongly recommend to see a specialist. Our mentality is considered shameful. In the West as something simpler. But you should not worry about this problem, but one that can shatter a family. And both of you should look all the way to her rescue.

Write down somewhere myself and hang in a prominent place:

Trust each other. This is the foundation of your happiness.

Often talk, advise - contact brings

Think of your family traditions and always follow them

Be each other an open book, not a personal taite

Take your spouse for who he is. Do not judge his actions

Remember, your spouse Man. Respect it.