Caution: The screaming mother!
Children perceive the world, adults who are near them, care for themselves, words and deeds of others is not the case, as we do. We are ready to throw the world at their feet, their lives, their leisure time, intellect. And they need quite a bit: our love and our ... calm voice.
We do not see myself from outside, when angry and raise our voice. We do not see his eyes flashing fire, crazy, twisted face, crooked fingers, anger pouring out of our flow. But our child sees us - angry, screaming, insecure, fearful, and carrying his fear. At the moment he receives the charge of fear for life, from which subsequently a long time will get rid of - by itself or with the help of psychologists and loved ones.
What do we see?
Curled into a ball creating, dreaming only of one thing: would rather have it all over! Eyes filled with fear and tears ... of course, we all see it, but nothing changes. Why? Firstly, because the fear of a child ... a pleasure. Surely you have rebelled, believing this statement absurd, but unfortunately, it is quite fair. Recurrent life situations bring pleasure, otherwise they would not recur. In his time as a child, we received a portion of resentment and fear. Then, growing up and being catastrophically nedolyublennymi, we again and again feared wrong, accumulated grievances. Appeared the child was the target for the elimination of the accumulated negative, allowing the adult to feel the power over the weak creature.
Second, change is difficult, because it needs to look at ourselves, and then horrified, to forgive, accept, love. Make it difficult, but possible. Gone? The first step. Need to see ourselves at the moment ora. Caution: screaming mother! Yes, it's unpleasant being angry, does not cause anything but a shudder. See? And now - stop!
The second step. Accept yourself for who you are, in no event do not begin to invent accusations or excuses. Do not try to look around to blame. You are so, because at this point choose to be just that. We assume that up to this point, you just do not know how to behave differently. Of course, you will need time to adjust to a new way of thinking. Maybe a few minutes there will be little, be patient, because the stereotypes of your conduct created months or even years. Proceed to next step when you feel: it's time!
Third step. Now, when you look at yourself, not sparing and not accusing, when the emotions aside and found a sober look at the situation, it's time to ask a question: why, indeed, weapons? Is the cause of my screams were just the actions of the most expensive substance on earth? Someone whose thoughts, actions, fears are true motive? Think? Answered? Now my favorite question: Why weapons? What exactly do these achieve? I was just so I can make a difference? I believe this method is most effective?
Fourth step. I hope you have long ceased to scream, apologized to the child, answered my questions and draw conclusions. Do not let his vows and promises, do not get the increased commitment, do not try to be perfect mamoy.Esli you're trying to do it, so still have not forgiven myself, did not allow himself to be precisely this, what you have at the moment.
Child's opinion
For a child make sense in your voice is not initially elevated. He just does not understand why suddenly you are from the beloved, gentle, kind, mommy turned into a shrew. The child is not clear sense of your transformation, because he can not (until a certain age) to see the world through the prism of your fears and complexes. Here I am playing, and now you start yelling - so the baby perceives what is happening. It turns out, you shout solely for himself - another good reason to tie this thing.
Ask your child about your shortcomings: that it is in you do not like it, why there are conflicts in your relationship, what can I do to avoid them. You will hear some very interesting things. Here, for example, the words of my youngest son, Yegor, said a few years ago: "Mommy, do not need to apologize and say that you love me. You better not yell. " Hearing this, I realized that the way to "yell, and then apologize" is not working. To say that I stopped to raise his voice, - means to speak the truth. But I cry very rarely. And, as a rule, children are well aware that it led to an outbreak of anger with my mother's side, because at first I calmly explain the cause of his irritation.
Try to stop yelling at her child, and the results you are stunned. You start to hear your child to listen to him and he to you. Peace, peace, and love dwell in your house - is not it called happiness? If one day you will fall into the hands of the story of Paul Sanaeva "Bury Me Under the Plinth", read it. Hopefully, with it you can look at myself. This bright, vivid, eloquent book is written on behalf of a little boy, but it it is a crazy grandmother who did not speak, but all the time screaming.
