All feelings are healthy and unhealthy. Healthy feelings cause the immediate events in the here and now, unhealthy feelings - it's unspoken reaction, accumulated in huge amounts of past events, without any discharge. Once, when gathered together the last straw, this whole avalanche of fall in a few minutes - all those reactions, which were originally addressed to other events. I have no doubt that you are familiar. In a healthy form of fear arises as a reaction to real danger threatening the life or health. Fear in this case - is a natural reaction of the organism and its function - to help avoid the danger.

What is fear? Physiologically, fear is characterized by the following symptoms. Stomach cramps - the body is prepared free of excess weight in order to make it easier to maneuver, avoiding the danger. Trembling legs - the legs are preparing to flee from the object of danger. Sweating - cooling the body that occurs as a reaction to increased pressure arising in connection with the release of adrenaline into the blood. Adrenaline is released in connection with the fact that the body in the danger situation requires more physical strength, and the role of adrenaline - to mobilize the muscle activity and increase the reaction rate. Heartbeat - the heart drives blood through the vessels quickly to supply the body with adrenaline.

Shortness of breath - to supply the body more oxygen, for a more active and coordinated work of all organs. All these processes are interrelated and are applied simultaneously. The reason for fear is information obtained by our senses - sight, hearing, touch, smell. So, in a situation of real threat fear has a very important function, and healthy reaction of the body frightened - to flee. This is appropriate in that case, if the object looks like a danger ineradicable, invincible, unstoppable. If the object is avoidable risk, the fear response is transformed into a reaction of anger, rage, anger. These feelings are directed at overcoming the danger of the object, to win. If the body does not have time to navigate or does not have enough information to decide whether the object is avoidable, then comes the third reaction - numbness, shock. In nature, animals, it looks like "play dead". It helps to be uninteresting for the object of danger.

Inadequate fear

However, the fear that arises in situations of public speaking, samopredyavleniya, although it looks the same and has the same physiological basis, is an inadequate response to the situation, if in the context of this situation, there is no real danger to life and health. Such inadequate fear has other roots and can be a real problem for people involved in public activities. But for the average person in everyday situations (for communicating with friends, at work, with friends, shop, or elsewhere) inadequate fear - the cause of many problems with communication, defend their borders, values, attitudes, their personal psychological or physical territory . In this context, the word "inadequate" - is not synonymous with the word "abnormal". Inadequate - hence not appropriate, does not meet the actual existing situation.

The reason is fear of inadequate availability in the history of life situations, when it rejected, humiliated or destroyed its value, or to condemn or deny the important steps for him sometimes intimidating manner. Such experience is acquired at a very early age. I have known cases where such fear was formed up to 1 month from birth, more often - up to 3 years. Naturally, such a reaction in a child form the parents or other adults who are raising him in the family. Kindergarten and the school are the main sources of such behavior. Do psychologically adequate child, supported his family, garden and school hone the skills that he gets home.

The most important factor in shaping a child's perception of adequate is the unconditional love bezotsenochnaya supportive parents. And it is her most families do not. Look around you: everywhere the child had been told one way or another to do bad, ashamed, dirty, unworthy. The fact that the unloved child is doomed (biological) death. A child can not survive without parents and parents dislike is a threat to his life. Child reacts to it is not consciousness, and the body. Even if the parents are fed and watered the best, dressed in the best and indulge whims, it is not an indication of love, so - a guarantee of survival.

Signs of dislike - the rejection of the wrong actions: "I will not love you, if you're so", "good kids do not do that," Peter is better than you does something, "if not for you, I would have made a career, I would studied, I would not have moved here, I would not live with your father, "you must be the best," you will not succeed, let me do "and so on. It is quite common phrases, often employed consciously - to educate. As a result, the child formed a representation of myself as not good enough = worthy of love.

Fear comes from childhood ...

For example, today I was on the receiving client, complaining about excessive violent husband - he broke a 6-year-old son his collarbone in a fit of anger (the son did not understand how to play the "Sea Battle"). I asked her: "And you beat the children?" - "No, I'm screaming at them" .- "And for what?" - I ask. "Well, when the child is not for cleans ... so it is my good boy, washes clothes for the younger ..." Here I was horrified: the kid as an adult man and placing adult requirements, and if he does not perform - it beat and abuse. I asked: "And why you are bringing a child to such demands?" - What was the answer: "If I miss it now, what will happen next?" It is extremely sad situation and unfortunately, very common. Children are punished for what they do not work like adults, do not think like adults, do not solve the problem at the school as an adult ... of course, that such a model is passed from generation to generation.

This implies an unconscious fear of testing, whether it's competition, the exam: "If the other I do not like me if I would be bad, then he will reject me, condemn, osmeet, degrade, attack." And for a child is tantamount to death. In such a bunch of situations and feelings remain at an unconscious level, as long as one does not pass the course of psychotherapy, where reality is unleashed from childhood trauma, and trauma will be integrated in the mind - lived and completed.

Giperopekayuschee education is also degrading and soul: fluffy mittens parents are told the child that without them he can not do anything that he nesamostoyatelen, not smart and clever. Parents restrict the freedom of a child's development, his tastes and values, defining in its view, what he needs, and that he is not allowed, or injurious. The reason for such difficulties usually are strangling the parents themselves:

And fear is to see that child and adult he copes (and for which he then am I?)

Is the fear of being bad parents and do not save;

Is the desire to always stay young parent (due to infantilizatsii children) and many others.

These parents do not take rebenkatakim as is, tinkering with his designs for how they want it videt.Togda child and did not take himself as he is, jamming their needs otkazyvetsya away in favor of an ideal and as a result, terribly suffering, knowing that he - not ideal. Over the years, this child will carry into adulthood a trained dissatisfaction and fear of evaluation. I hope everything yourself out?

Fear - is a natural reaction to danger, designed to save lives and tseloststnost. Fear is relevant (adequate current situation) and irrelevant (non-relevant context of the situation). The reason for the formation of inappropriate fear - psychological and physical trauma in childhood. Parents are responsible for what they brought you, but you are responsible for what you are staying and what you do with it. All in your hands.